I love the mountains. I love looking at them, hiking over them, driving through them, taking pictures of them…well, you get the point. I love them in the fall when the aspens are fire-yellow. I love them in the winter when they’re covered in snow. I love them in the spring when they are as green as a southern suburban lawn. And yes, I love them in the summer when the meadows are full of wildflowers. In case I wasn’t clear–I love the mountains.
I can walk onto my back deck and look at Pikes Peak–“America’s Mountain.” Looking at it never gets old. When I drive home from visiting family in Missouri, I can see the top of the mountain from 70 miles away on a clear day. That view stirs warm feelings in my heart, but I’m sure it was not the same for those early pioneers. Why? Because their perspective was very different than mine.
What I think of as home, they thought of as a terrible obstacle to their future. After all, people died trying to cross those mountains. They had made plans for a life on the other side of those mountains, but in the earliest days, there were no roads. As more and more people made the trek to California, the ease of traversing the Rockies got easier. Today, with a decent car and anything other than blizzard weather conditions, you can make it from one side of the mountains to the other in just over two hours.
I often hear those in Christian ministry talk about pioneering. I applaud their hearts for making followers of Jesus everywhere, but we must remember that there are few places we’ll go today where someone hasn’t already gone. As I mentioned, I love hiking in the mountains, and some of those trails are difficult. But…there are trails. The existence of a trail indicates that someone was there before you. And, here’s one undeniable fact, it was harder for them than for me.
So, while it’s good for us to think about pioneering, let’s have the humility to remember that while the modern-day version of that activity might be difficult, there was a time when it was much more challenging. And remember that the same One who sustained them will sustain us if we stay humble and dependent.
There have been many times in my 60 years of life when I came to the abrupt and uncomfortable understanding that I had a real growth need. At times it was a relational need–realizing I didn’t know how to be a good husband, dad, son, or friend. At other times it was professional as I crashed and burned in my efforts at work. And then there were (are) those times when I discovered I’m not the spiritual man I thought I was.
There seem to be at least three options when I come to these uncomfortable realizations. The first is to deny reality. This one never goes well, but it’s the go-to response for many people. The next alternative is to acknowledge an issue but put off dealing with it. Lastly, we can choose to do the hard work required for growth. I could end here, but you wouldn’t have what you need to move forward. So, let me dive deeper into the second and third responses above.
We waited over a year to see any growth on this plant, and then suddenly, several new shoots appeared.
I can think of at least three reasons I tend to put off dealing with a growth need.
1. I’m a natural procrastinator. I hate this trait, but I can’t fix what I can’t name. The good news is that by putting the proper systems in place, I can avoid (mostly) letting my procrastination get the best of me.
2. I don’t have the emotional energy necessary to grow. I don’t know about you, but when I feel emotionally depleted, I discover that my capacity for the hard work necessary for growth tends to decrease.
3. I feel emotionally and relationally isolated, exacerbating my lack of emotional energy. This doesn’t usually happen all at once. It’s more like a slow-leaking tire. I don’t give it the attention it needs, and suddenly it is no longer there to serve me.
4. Finally, I don’t know how to fix the problem. This symptom seems to show up when I’m under stress. When I’m in the normal flow of life and work, I quickly go to resources for help. Books, how-to clips on YouTube, podcasts, websites, etc., are my best (non-human) friends. But…when I’m under stress, my brain, which is usually pretty good at problem-solving, can just shut down. I remember once when my wife told me we had a lot of water in the cabinet under our sink. While our house wasn’t new, it was new to us. I was worried about the water ruining the cabinet, creating stress. On top of this, I was working from home during this period, and fixing the yet-to-be-discovered problem would take me away from my work. I discovered a hole in our garbage disposal, made a quick trip to the local Home Depot to buy a replacement, returned home, and went to work on replacing the unit. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make heads or tails out of the directions. I’m pretty sure the same person wrote these directions that write assembly instructions for IKEA. You know what I mean if you’ve ever had the misfortune of trying to assemble a complicated piece of IKEA furniture. The more I struggled, the more stressed I got, and the more stressed I became, the less able to come up with a solution I seemed to be. Finally, I stepped away from the project for a few minutes (which probably involved drinking coffee). And suddenly, I remembered that my old friend YouTube probably had a video of someone dealing with the same issue. It did, and within minutes, I was finished, my mess was cleaned up, and I was back to work. When you’re facing a problem and can’t find a solution, the best thing you can do is walk away for a few minutes. This isn’t procrastination. You’re giving your brain space to find a solution.
As I wrap up this post, I want to address one characteristic of the growth process. It takes time. This takes me to the title of this article. When we don’t feel like we’re growing in a desired area, we must be patient with ourselves and the process. Otherwise, we’ll abort the good work of growth we hope to see in our lives. Last year, while on a camping trip in southern Colorado, we found a broken cactus branch. The mother plant was a stately specimen, so we brought the branch home to see if we could give it a second life. It took a few weeks to root, but after a while, it was clear that it would survive. Unfortunately, it wasn’t growing. It survived the cold and snow of a Colorado winter and several hail storms this spring, but surviving isn’t the same as thriving. And then, all of a sudden, new grow shoots popped out all over the original stalk.
Perhaps you feel like you’ve been through the storms and drought of life. You may even be doing the hard work of growth, but nothing seems to be happening. Don’t lose hope. Growth may be slow, but it will eventually happen if you don’t quit.
The greater the suspicion or skepticism that exists in a message, the more important trust in the messenger becomes. You can only share as much truth with someone as the strength of your relationship will bear. No one with any wisdom is going to attempt to drive a truck weighing 5,000 pounds across a bridge rated for a maximum capacity of 1,000 pounds. Why? Because they know that to do so would result in disaster. Unfortunately, I see well-meaning people almost every day trying to drive 5,000 pounds of truth across a relational bridge that is rated for 1,000 pounds.
I believe the church has much truth to share with society; however, we often forget that truth is best communicated within an atmosphere of trust. Otherwise, we are speaking, but no one is listening. This approach may make the speaker feel good about himself or herself, but it will have little or no positive influence on their intended audience.
One of the most potentially polarizing things Jesus ever said was, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). Do I believe this? Absolutely. I have built my entire adult life upon this truth. Nevertheless, I think it’s beneficial for us to remember that Jesus didn’t declare this truth from the mountain top as he gave the Sermon on the Mount or on the plain as he fed the multitude. He proclaimed this truth to his disciples in a small group setting.
So, is there no place for the public declaration of truth? Of course, there is, but in my opinion, the content of our public proclamation needs to contain the centrality of the gospel–not that which is divisive or about behavior. That content is important, but it should be shared face to face in a discipleship context.
The right content shared at the right time in the right context has the potential to build trust and change lives. The right content shared in the wrong context or at the wrong time will not only be disregarded but may even innoculate the hearer from the important truth being shared.
As I travel and speak concerning the subject of missions, I’m often asked for recommendations related to what books one should read if they want to grow in this area. Here’s the list I share. It has some huge gaps (for instance, no context-specific references are included), but this is a great place to start.Let me know if you have any questions (or recommendations).
Jeff Bezos recently announced that he would be stepping down later this year as the CEO of Amazon, the online retailer he started in his Seattle garage nearly 30 years ago. While Bezos doesn’t share my biblical values, I think there’s a lot I can learn from how he ran Amazon. Here are a few of my takeaways from how he managed his life and business. Most of these insights are positive. The last one is a mixed bag.
Dream big. Act daring. Embrace risk—Amazon’s story is different than that of Apple, though both companies started in a garage. When the two Steves began making computers in the Jobs family garage, they had nothing to lose. They were both young and ambitious, but they weren’t walking away from anything to pursue their dream. That wasn’t the case for Bezos. In order for Amazon’s founder to pursue his dream, he had to leave his job as a senior vice president at D.E. Shaw, an NYC-based hedge fund specializing in mathematical modeling. Bezos understood that there is no risk-free route to dream fulfillment. What risk do you need to accept to fulfill your dream? What do you need to do today to start down that road?
“Regret minimization framework”—When Bezos was trying to decide whether to leave his job at Shaw, he created the Regret Minimization Framework to help him work through the issues. He had the full support of his wife. That made the decision both easier and more challenging. He felt the weight of the decision, but he also understood that most of his fears were short-term. He wanted to think further out. So, he decided to project himself forward to the age of 80 and then ask himself this question. “If I look back on my life, will I regret not doing this?” Ultimately, he decided that the window to get in on the information revolution was a narrow one, and he needed to act now. So, he did. He quit his job at Shaw, walked away mid-year (which meant forfeiting his annual bonus), moved to Seattle to cut expenses, and poured himself into his dream. The rest is history. How do you view the issue of regrets? Is there anything you wish you would have done that you didn’t? When you’re 80, will you feel good about the choices you’re making today?
Get plenty of sleep—Bezos is religious about getting eight hours of sleep a night. I don’t think I have any Fortune 500 CEOs reading my blog, but I know plenty of people who lead small to medium-sized organizations. Many of these friends believe they are too busy to get more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night. According to Bezos, if that’s the case, you’re not managing yourself or your company well. The importance of sleep cannot be overstated. Dr. Harneet Walia of the Cleveland Clinic argues that adults between 18-65 need 7-9 hours of sleep a night. The costs are high when we habitually deprive ourselves of sleep. Some of the short-term issues associate with sleep deprivation are a lack of alertness, excessive daytime sleepiness, impaired memory, relationship stress, poor quality of life, and the increased likelihood of being involved in an automobile accident. All of these will negatively affect your ability to care for people and/or lead the organization you lead. Getting enough sleep never happens by accident. You have to be intentional. Bezos is–you should be too. How are you doing in this crucial area of life? If you aren’t getting enough sleep, what do you need to change?
Make a small number of high quality-decisions each day—Bezos gets up early but never takes meetings before 10 A.M. He argues that many leaders get involved in decisions that don’t need their input. This approach takes up mental and emotional energy while also disempowering those under you in the organization. Bezos says he’s happy if he makes three high-quality decisions a day. These decisions usually flow out of what he calls “High IQ” meetings (more on that below). Are you limiting yourself to making decisions that only you can make? What do you need to give away?
Obsess over customers—If you lead in an organization, you have “customers.” You may not think of them that way, but there’s a group of people you are tasked to serve. Bezos rightly understood that without customers, Amazon didn’t have a reason for being. We often forget this. We think, “What’s best for us?” or “What’s best for the organization?” According to Bezos, these are the wrong questions. He argues that what’s best for the customer is what’s best for the company. Who are your “customers?” Do your decisions put them first? If not, what needs to change to move your focus to where it needs to be? Have you made it public who you see as your primary stakeholder? There is accountability in making this public.
Innovate. Then innovate some more—Nothing remains static. In a fast-moving environment, you’re advancing or declining. Advancement requires innovation, and in the words of Marshall Goldsmith, “What got you here won’t get you there.” Amazon was rated the best-managed company in America in 2019 by the Drucker Institute. It was innovation that pushed the company past Apple—their historical rival in the tech space. Interestingly, while Amazon fills more patent applications than other tech companies, it also abandons more patent applications than anyone else. This fact demonstrates its willingness to sacrifice “sacred cows.” Innovation not only includes adopting what moves us forward, but it also includes abandoning what might be holding us back. According to Missio Nexus, “Legacy ministry models, financial pressures, the pace of change, and even success conspire against innovation.” How innovative is your team? Are there people you need to bring onto the team to increase your “innovation quotient?” Conversely, what do you need to abandon today?
Embrace failure (not to be confused with executing poorly)—In the book, Invent and Wander: The Collected Writings of Jeff Bezos, we find an excellent example of what he means (and doesn’t mean) by embracing failure. He states, “If we build a new fulfillment center and it’s a disaster, that’s just bad execution. But when we are developing a new product or service or experimenting in some way, and it doesn’t work, that’s OK. That’s great failure.” I think sometimes we’re too quick to overlook poor execution while unwittingly embracing the fear of failure. Innovative organizations are willing to fail. Well-run organizations are committed to excellence, so when they execute poorly, they fix the problem, learn from their mistake, and do their best to avoid the same mistake in the future. Have you created a culture that tolerates poor execution? What do you do to ensure that you learn from your mistakes? Are you willing to fail in the right areas? What are you doing to create a “failure-friendly environment?”
Most meetings are pointless. Make them matter—Most of us hate meetings, but they are part of leadership. If you aren’t willing to embrace this reality—don’t lead. However, not all meetings are created equal. I don’t think most leaders hate meetings. They hate unproductive meetings. So, what can we do to increase the productivity of our time together? Bezos requires presenters in meetings to write a memo, no longer than six pages, that is circulated and silently read at the start of a meeting by everyone present. This approach prevents pointless discussion. It also helps presenters refine their ideas before presenting. There is no “winging it” in a Bezos-led meeting. Some version of this approach might make our meetings more productive. What can you do to make your meetings more productive? If you don’t know, start by reading Patrick Lencioni’s book, Death by Meeting.
Ignore the stock market (focus on long-term gains)—Okay, this one isn’t directly relevant to most of my readers as we operate primarily in the faith or non-profit community. However, that doesn’t mean there is no takeaway. The underlying idea behind this point is to focus on long-term advances rather than short-term wins (or losses). To move the organization forward, we will inevitably have to make decisions that interrupt the status quo. Faith communities seem to perform worse in this area than their business counterparts. We operate with a double bottom line. We have to measure financial progress, but we understand that this isn’t our only matrix for evaluating success. Only time gives perspective. It will reveal if your decision to embrace risk and act in a particular way is correct, but it will also disclose the consequences of your unwillingness to act. What do you need to do now to build for the future?
Create a culture of productivity above all else—Finally, and this is a less than positive thought, Bezos created a culture in which employees are often worked to the breaking point. Productive is the “god” at Amazon, where everything is measured. I don’t think this is an approach we should adopt, but I also don’t think it’s something we should ignore. Much of what we do in the church can’t be measured. Jesus had great success with his “top three,” good success with “the 12” (11 out of 12 finished well), but he seemingly failed with the crowd (“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” John 6:66). Interestingly, he seemed to be “okay” with this. Jesus loved every one, but he also understood that not everyone would come with him. We don’t see Jesus “blasting” those who left. He knew his calling, and he stuck with it, operating within his sphere of control. Productivity is not an issue we always measure in the faith community. It’s a tension we’re going to have to live with. Do you measure things? If not, you’re probably not being a good steward of those things God has entrusted to you. If you measure things, are you measure the right things? We want to be efficient. We have to be effective. After all, too much is at stake for us to be otherwise.
I hope this article has helped you think through your leadership. If so, I recommend that you take one or two of the areas mentioned above in which you need to improve and develop an action plan for change. So, what are you going to do today to become a better leader?
I’m not sure I have ever met someone who thought they were prideful. Many will acknowledge that they are proud of their accomplishments or something related to their identity, but most people stop short of identifying themselves as prideful.
A wise man who lived over 1600 years ago called pride “the mother of all sins.” This wise man was Augustine of Hippo (maybe you’ve heard of the city in Florida named after him). According to this sage, pride is toxic because it opens the door to every other sin.
An “expert in the law” once asked Jesus what he needed to do to gain eternal life. Jesus’ answer was profoundly simple (Don’t confuse that with being simplistic.). He said, “You need to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Everything we do should spring from these two commands. But, here’s the problem. Pride prevents both of these.
A prideful heart makes excuses for one’s own failures while being quick to identify and condemn others for those same weaknesses. It also tends to blame–and, who are we quicker to blame than God? We may not use those words exactly, but that’s what we’re doing when we complain. In doing so, we demonstrate the prideful trait of an entitled mentality. We’re basically saying “I don’t deserve this. They deserve what they got, but I deserve better.”
Mariam Baouardy was a Catholic nun who lived in the 19th Century. She wrote, “The proud person is like a grain of wheat thrown into water: it swells, it gets big. Expose that grain to the fire: it dries up, it burns. The humble soul is like a grain of wheat thrown into the earth: it descends, it hides itself, it disappears, it dies; but to revive in heaven.”
I started this conversation by asking the question, “How can I grow in humility?” One reason is that it opens the door for and justifies every other sin. However, in my opinion, that isn’t the worse part of pride. So, what is? It’s this. Pride is easier to spot in others than it is in oneself.
As I said above, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who identified themselves as prideful. However, if I was a betting man, I would definitely lay down a bet that many people I know have been quick to identify others as being full of pride. Unfortunately, I’ve done the same thing. I may have been right, but I may also have been wrong. See pride not only prevents me from having an accurate understanding of who I really am, but it distorts my view of others.
So, how do I fix this? Most of us would agree that humility is the opposite of pride. The question is “How do we gain humility?” Pride just seems to show up, but no one becomes humble by accident. The answer is simple but not easy. Humility is the state that comes from the repetitive action of humbling oneself.
One of the biblical writers tells us if we’ll humble ourselves before God, then he will lift us up (James 4:10). I have no doubt that this is accurate. But, how do we humble ourselves before a God we can’t see? Prayer, repentance, worship, and confession are pretty obvious. However, the best way to develop humility is by choosing to humble ourselves before those we can see.
Here are a few suggestions.
Start with the assumption that you’re prideful and that you need to grow in humility.
Listen more than you talk. This is a real challenge for me!
Ask questions instead of giving advice. I’m a lot better at this than I used to be.
Don’t ask leading questions…you know those questions you only ask because you want to share your opinion.
Ask for forgiveness quickly when you’re wrong. This doesn’t mean you were completely at fault, but it does take two people to have conflict. So, be quick to own your part and seek the forgiveness of the one you offended. This also means you’ll have to stop trying to justify your actions. It’s important to remember that when you say “but,” you have just undone everything you just said (i.e., I’m sorry for what I said, but… This comes across that you aren’t really sorry.).
Related to the above, ask for forgiveness rather than simply saying you’re sorry.
Give credit to others when you succeed and accept responsibility when you fail.
Look for opportunities to serve others.
Ask for help.
Make it a practice to believe the best about others. Remember, pride is easier to spot in others, so give them the benefit of the doubt.
None of these suggestions are profound, but if you’ll choose to implement one or two of them today, you’ll find yourself one step further down that road that leads to humility.
Our loving Heavenly Father has given his children many gifts. Two of my favorites are friendship and nature. It’s a great day when the two come together. If that friend happens to be your spouse, you should throw an “I’m a happy camper” party!
“Thank you Father for your generous heart toward your children.”
Many people confuse a day off for a sabbath. A sabbath is an intentional day of nonproductivity. It’s a setting aside of work. The purpose isn’t simply rest, though that is certainly part of it. A sabbath is an act of trust. It’s a reliance on God–a turning away from production (what we can do) and a turning to faith (believing God will make up any sort fall).
Don’t get me wrong. I believe in hard work. I believe in being productive. I just don’t believe in a frantic lifestyle of busyness. I understand the adrenaline that comes along with this way of living and working. I also know that it isn’t healthy. Not only does it adversely affect our bodies, but it also eats away at our souls.
A proper keeping of a sabbath, and more importantly, living a “sabbath lifestyle,” leads to restoration. After all, there can be no RESToration without rest.
“Our child is having terrible dreams. These don’t seem like normal childhood nightmares. He describes the presence of evil in his room, and he sometimes talks about things he sees when he’s awake. We don’t want to panic, but these occurrences don’t seem normal. We’re wondering if this has to do with where we live and the spiritual forces here. What would you recommend?” Amy and I heard a similar version of this many times over the years. Our hearts were always heavy when we heard this. The thought of these innocent little ones suffering evokes feelings of empathy for the parents and sympathy for the troubled little one.
I’m not an expert on this subject, so my advice isn’t coming from a professional perspective. It’s pastoral. Likewise, what you’ll find below is far from comprehensive. I’m just a parent who has previously walked this road and has had the privilege of trying to help others do the same. Here are my thoughts (By the way, I’m grateful for the helpful insights of my wife, Amy, and our daughter, Noor, who works daily with small children. This paper is much better because of their input.).
A “Proper” Spiritual Perspective
When I hear about these situations, I assume we’re dealing with a “mostly” spiritual issue. I say mostly because we never have perfect insight, and there could be many factors involved. That’s one reason why parenting is so difficult.
I think a proper path to spirituality sees all things as spiritual, but this doesn’t mean that prayer cures everything. God cares about the internal (i.e., psychological or biological illness) and external (i.e., trauma) causes of our pain. Prayer should be part of any treatment plan for a Christian, but it isn’t the entire treatment plan (See 2 Kings 20 for a biblical example of this.). There are also potential “supra-natural” causes of mental illness (demonic possession and oppression, etc.). I’m going to start with the “supra-natural.” (As a side note, I prefer this term over “supernatural,” as supra refers to something above but parallel to the natural. Supernatural is often thought of as something completely “other.”)
So, first of all, don’t forget the “why” behind the attack. The devil has one purpose–to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10a). The enemy came after Job’s adult “kids”. He wasn’t simply trying to inflict pain on Job. He wanted Job to doubt the goodness of God. It’s important during these crises to find specific times, and build routines if you don’t already have them, to give thanks to God for his goodness. This won’t solve the problem, but it prepares your heart to move forward with the right perspective on life and faith.
Next, don’t under-spiritualize what is happening. When our kids are suffering, we want answers. We want to do something. Depending on your personality and worldview, you’ll either turn to the spiritual or the natural for answers. If your bent is toward the rational, you’ll look for environmental causes for the suffering. If you lean more toward the spiritual, you may discount environmental factors as you look for spiritual causes.
It’s also important that we not over-spiritualize what is happening. What I mean by this statement is that while everything has spiritual ramifications, not everything is spiritual in origin. So, as we pray, we need to ask for wisdom as we seek out solutions—whatever they might be.
Spiritual Battlefields
There is no doubt that many of you live in spiritual war zones. If you lived in Syria during the civil war, you would have expected the physical fighting happening around to affect your kids. You would need to talk with them regularly concerning how they’re thinking and/or feeling about everything going on around them. At the same time, you would be processing your own pain, fear, etc.. The spiritual war taking place around you is no less real simply because it’s generally unseen in the natural. The challenge we face is how do we help our innocent ones without unintentionally adding to their angst.
The early church of Ephesus lived in the midst of a spiritual war zone. Read Acts 19 to get a bird’s eye view of some of the spiritual dynamics at work. There was intense opposition to Paul’s preaching from the Jews, demon possession, a wide scale practice of idolatry and magic, and violence against the believers. At the same time, God was releasing the bound, healing the sick, elevating the name of Jesus throughout the city, and leading many people to himself.
Interestingly, if we read the Book of Ephesians as a companion to the account in Acts, we see Paul’s theological response to the natural and supra-natural enemies. He speaks of the believers being seated in heaven (spiritually) with Christ who rules and reigns above all spiritual powers. There is no sense of fear. There is no “rebuking of evil spirits.” There is an assertion that the believers are to stand victorious in the work of the cross. How do they do this? They do it by fighting, but not the way the world fights. They fight with love, prayer, and service. They daily put on the armor of God. They recognize that we’re in a fight, but that we don’t fight by ourselves. So, as parents facing the assaults of the enemy, we need to make sure that we are equipped for battle, and we need to help our kids learn to do the same in an age-appropriate way.
Parents tell us that they feel like they’re doing all the right things, and most are, but here are a few simple reminders. It’s important to pray with and for your kids. We prayed a lot for our kids, but I wish we had done a better job of teaching them to pray for themselves. I believe in spiritual authority; however, your young children are too young to wield that power for themselves. You aren’t. As their spiritual cover, you have the authority to proclaim Christ’s victory over your house and household. Some people choose to anoint their homes with oil. I don’t have any issues with that, but I think it’s more about the contact point for spiritual authority than it is the physical act of anointing.
The Book of Daniel gives us some (limited) insight into how the natural and supra-natural intersect. Daniel was praying, but the archangel was hindered in his response by the enemy. The only way to victory was perseverance. So…persevere. Persevering prayer is spiritual warfare.
Playing worship music in the home can bring spiritual peace (think of the effect of David’s playing upon a tormented King Saul). You probably do, but if not, you might want to have worship music playing softly in the background as your child goes to sleep.
It’s important to pray for your kids before they go to sleep, but we must remember that “warfare prayer” is best done outside of the earshot of young children. Otherwise, we can unintentionally add to their fear as they don’t yet have the mental or spiritual tools required to process what we’re saying (i.e., “demons,” “devil,” “evil,” “forces of darkness,” “You can’t have our children.”) and the intensity with which we’re saying it. They can easily misinterpret our tone as one of anger at them.
Work with your kids on Bible memorization. Help them learn verses that relate to power and joy in addition to ones that relate to victory over fear. Memorize some of the prayers in the Bible. These prayers are great patterns as your child is learning to pray. Likewise, the Bible is full of “fear not” verses. While these are written as commands, what God is saying is, “I’ve got this. You just need to trust me.” So, trust him with your kids. This isn’t a passive trust. It’s a hope that is tenaciously tethered to the anchor of our faith—Jesus.
External stimuli
Now to the more “natural” side of this. It’s helpful to keep in mind that the spiritual can be exacerbated by what happens in the natural. Below are a few things to think about. These are things to consider and observe but are not meant to put fear in your heart.
Be careful what you let your kids watch on their screens. You may think, we don’t let our kids watch scary stuff on the television. What about iPads/phones? Do you have safeguards on your devices to protect them from inappropriate content? Do you go to restaurants? I assume so. They are full of video screens, and the proprietors are oftentimes less discerning about what they play than you would be. They can even see trauma-causing content on billboards, posters, or at the hands of other children who parents are less protective than you. There is so much visual stimuli these days. Most of it is neutral. Just keep an eye on and an ear out for how your child is processing what they’re seeing and hearing. Be a good listener. Your child may try to engage you in conversation about what they are seeing. Ask non-threatening questions about how they feel when they see these things.
Therapists suggest bedtime routines that are light and happy. Keep in mind that some of our Bible stories and Bible storybooks deal with mature victory themes. That’s good but probably better read during the day.
I love C.S. Lewis, but I’m not sure how little ones process the idea of the “white witch.” I’m not suggesting you not read this type of thing to your child–just do it when you can also talk with them about what they’re hearing. Ask lots of questions, and take the time to let them respond. As a side note, I’m probably sensitive to this as we have children who struggled with auditory processing. This means they came away with different interpretations of what was said than the speaker’s intent.
Finally, be careful about who cares for your kids in childcare, during meetings and small groups, at church, at the gym, etc. They may not be bad people, but they may not share your values and worldview.
Dreams and Nightmares
The Cleveland Clinic states that 10-50% of kids aged 3-6 have nightmares that are bad enough to disturb parents. One source said that nightmares are more common in kids with strong imaginations. We have known of kids in their mid-teens that would come into their parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, shaking and crying as a result of nightmares so vivid that they “felt real.”
It’s good to process your kids’ nightmares with them, but it’s best to do it the next day. Try to determine if there might be a theme. If there is, talk with them about that. Doing so through play is often a helpful way to get children to open up. In the moments immediately following the dream, pray for the child, snuggle them, and offer comfort. You may even want to let them hold a favorite stuff animal that brings joy, and encourage them to go back to bed. Your children are still developmentally growing in their understanding of the Holy Spirit as a Comforter, but this can serve as a tangible example of how the Spirit comforts us in our troubles (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). You may want to spend time praying afterward. Night lights can be useful on a dim setting if the child requests it, and bedroom doors may be left open, reassuring your child that the home is safe and that you’re there for security. And, of course, Jesus is there.
The Cleveland Clinic offers these additional helpful insights in helping parents understand “when nightmares aren’t just nightmares.”
-when they increase in frequency or become worse
-when fear related to the nightmares interrupts daytime activities
-when nightmares become very distressing, repetitious, or psychological issues are involved (aggression, depression, hearing voices/sounds, seeing “things” during the day, etc.)
As your child grows and changes, you will want to continue your awareness and alter your responses with information that is age appropriate and reflective of your child’s maturity.
One final note, keep in mind that many medications are known to cause bad dreams. Likewise, if your child has additional ongoing psychological or behavioral challenges, you should consider seeking out the counsel of a therapist with a compatible worldview.
How Your Child’s Personality Factors Into This
Lastly, you may have a child that is sensitive by nature. This personality trait may make him or her more vulnerable to fear and other negative emotions (If you’re interested, you can research HSP—Highly Sensitive Person. Here’s a test to see if your child is https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/). This sensitivity may also enable your child to be more in tune with, aware of or sensitive to the pain of others, and that’s a good thing as compassion is an attribute of God. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We must teach our kids to harness their strengths and help disciple them in the areas of their vulnerabilities.
Conclusion
You’re doing the right thing to be concerned, but don’t panic. I’m sure this wears on you. I want to encourage you to lay your parental concerns for your child before the Lord. Ask for his wisdom and guidance in addressing the needs of your children as individuals.
“Do not fear. Your loving heavenly Father has this. He cares for your child more than you ever will. Now, claim your authority and stand on that victory until you see it manifested in the natural. It may take time, but victory belongs to those who prevail.”
If you have a Muslim friend, you may know that Ramadan began at sundown on April 24 — right in the midst of the COVID-19 lockdown. This religious season is significant for all Muslims, but this Ramadan will be very different.
Even Muslims who are usually non-observant go out of their way to be “better Muslims” during Ramadan. That not only includes fasting from sunrise to sunset, but it also involves communal prayers at the local mosque. However, just like churches, mosques are closed this year.
This reality is going to leave a big hole in the hearts of many Muslims. It is our prayer that God will use these unique circumstances to bring the lost children of Abraham to himself. Of course, you have a part to play in this happening.
As a follower of Jesus who is serious about fulfilling His command to make disciples of all people, you’re concerned for all of your lost neighbors. This includes your Muslim neighbors.
Generally speaking, Ramadan is a time of year when your witness to these friends may be more effective because they are more attentive to spiritual concerns. That is uniquely the case this year.
So, what should you do if you want to share your faith with your Muslim neighbor at this time? Here are seven suggestions:
1. Start with “hello.”Let’s face it. We’re all a bit concerned right now about social interaction — even with those who are “like us.”
It may be even harder to take the initiative with Muslims. Some followers of the Islamic faith wear clothing that sets them apart from the average American. Some are immigrants, so their English might not be perfect. Others look and sound just like you and me.
You may feel inadequate to share your faith with them. That’s OK. Just start by saying “hello.” After all, that’s the best way to begin any conversation. Even if it’s from six feet away and behind a mask, you can communicate empathy and concern.
2.Be a good neighbor. Get to know your Muslim neighbors just like you would any other neighbor. Ask how their families are coping during the crisis. Get to know their stories. If they are immigrants, ask about relatives in their countries of origin. And be sure to wish them a happy Ramadan.
You aren’t compromising your faith or suggesting Islam is true by doing so. You’re just connecting at a human level.
3. Share the gospel — and only the gospel. Don’t be afraid to share the gospel. It’s the power of God that leads women and men to salvation the world over. However, don’t mix other issues with the gospel. You probably won’t agree with your Muslim neighbor on politics. That doesn’t matter. Focus on what’s truly important: the truth about Jesus.
Every conversation should be a reflection of your love for God and your love for your neighbor.
4. Avoid arguments. Remember that everyone’s stress button is more sensitive at this time. Most people are a bit on edge. It’s always a good idea to avoid theological arguments. That is particularly true now.
I’m not suggesting you compromise the message, but if you read the Gospels, you will see Jesus spent more time asking questions of lost people than He did giving answers. After all, the truth only matters if someone is looking for it. So, ask questions first.
Many Muslims learn from their family and friends at home or in the mosque how to defend their faith. They may try to argue Jesus never claimed to be God or the Bible is corrupted. Don’t be deterred, and don’t get angry. The apostle Peter said, “Be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).
Be gentle, and show respect. Proverbs 18:19 says, “A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.”
5. Pray for and with your Muslim neighbors. As you make friends with your Muslim neighbors, be sure to pray for and with them. When I say pray for your neighbors, I mean pray for their salvation. They can’t do this for themselves. After all, they probably think they already know the truth.
You and I are called to stand in the gap for the lost, and this includes Muslims.
However, when I say pray with your Muslim neighbors, I don’t mean you should go to the mosque with them. I’m talking about getting to know your neighbor so you can pray with them concerning crucial issues in their lives. Follow up your prayers by asking how things are going and reminding them you are praying.
6. Show and receive hospitality. Muslims are generally hospitable people. This fact is especially relevant during Ramadan. So, show hospitality. No, you probably can’t invite them to your house for a meal this year, but you can bake or buy something you enjoy and take it to your Muslim neighbor. Just be sure that it doesn’t contain pork or alcohol.
Likewise, be sure to receive hospitality well. Doing so keeps the relationship going. You might wonder, What if I don’t like what they offer? Follow the advice of Elisabeth Elliot, who said, “Where he leads me I will follow. What he feeds me, I will swallow!”
Many Muslims come from cultures with delicious food, but even if it isn’t, Jesus is worth it. (One cultural insight: It is expected in some cultures you return the plate on which the food item is delivered, refilled with something you made or bought for them. This isn’t repayment, but many cultures are built on the principle of reciprocity.)
7. Stay connected. Muslims seldom come to Christ the first time they hear the gospel. It may take years and many conversations. Don’t give up! Jesus didn’t give up on you. Not every conversation needs to be a gospel conversation, but every conversation should be a reflection of your love for God and your love for your neighbor.
Following this simple advice can help eliminate any anxiety or intimidation you might feel as it relates to your Muslim neighbors. More importantly, it can give you the confidence to share Jesus with them. So, go for it, and see what God might do through you during this season.
Click here to view the article on the Influence Magazine website.
