I’m not sure I have ever met someone who thought they were prideful. Many will acknowledge that they are proud of their accomplishments or something related to their identity, but most people stop short of identifying themselves as prideful.
A wise man who lived over 1600 years ago called pride “the mother of all sins.” This wise man was Augustine of Hippo (maybe you’ve heard of the city in Florida named after him). According to this sage, pride is toxic because it opens the door to every other sin.
An “expert in the law” once asked Jesus what he needed to do to gain eternal life. Jesus’ answer was profoundly simple (Don’t confuse that with being simplistic.). He said, “You need to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Everything we do should spring from these two commands. But, here’s the problem. Pride prevents both of these.
A prideful heart makes excuses for one’s own failures while being quick to identify and condemn others for those same weaknesses. It also tends to blame–and, who are we quicker to blame than God? We may not use those words exactly, but that’s what we’re doing when we complain. In doing so, we demonstrate the prideful trait of an entitled mentality. We’re basically saying “I don’t deserve this. They deserve what they got, but I deserve better.”
Mariam Baouardy was a Catholic nun who lived in the 19th Century. She wrote, “The proud person is like a grain of wheat thrown into water: it swells, it gets big. Expose that grain to the fire: it dries up, it burns. The humble soul is like a grain of wheat thrown into the earth: it descends, it hides itself, it disappears, it dies; but to revive in heaven.”
I started this conversation by asking the question, “How can I grow in humility?” One reason is that it opens the door for and justifies every other sin. However, in my opinion, that isn’t the worse part of pride. So, what is? It’s this. Pride is easier to spot in others than it is in oneself.
As I said above, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who identified themselves as prideful. However, if I was a betting man, I would definitely lay down a bet that many people I know have been quick to identify others as being full of pride. Unfortunately, I’ve done the same thing. I may have been right, but I may also have been wrong. See pride not only prevents me from having an accurate understanding of who I really am, but it distorts my view of others.
So, how do I fix this? Most of us would agree that humility is the opposite of pride. The question is “How do we gain humility?” Pride just seems to show up, but no one becomes humble by accident. The answer is simple but not easy. Humility is the state that comes from the repetitive action of humbling oneself.
One of the biblical writers tells us if we’ll humble ourselves before God, then he will lift us up (James 4:10). I have no doubt that this is accurate. But, how do we humble ourselves before a God we can’t see? Prayer, repentance, worship, and confession are pretty obvious. However, the best way to develop humility is by choosing to humble ourselves before those we can see.
Here are a few suggestions.
- Start with the assumption that you’re prideful and that you need to grow in humility.
- Listen more than you talk. This is a real challenge for me!
- Ask questions instead of giving advice. I’m a lot better at this than I used to be.
- Don’t ask leading questions…you know those questions you only ask because you want to share your opinion.
- Ask for forgiveness quickly when you’re wrong. This doesn’t mean you were completely at fault, but it does take two people to have conflict. So, be quick to own your part and seek the forgiveness of the one you offended. This also means you’ll have to stop trying to justify your actions. It’s important to remember that when you say “but,” you have just undone everything you just said (i.e., I’m sorry for what I said, but… This comes across that you aren’t really sorry.).
- Related to the above, ask for forgiveness rather than simply saying you’re sorry.
- Give credit to others when you succeed and accept responsibility when you fail.
- Look for opportunities to serve others.
- Ask for help.
- Make it a practice to believe the best about others. Remember, pride is easier to spot in others, so give them the benefit of the doubt.
None of these suggestions are profound, but if you’ll choose to implement one or two of them today, you’ll find yourself one step further down that road that leads to humility.