Category: Communication

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Forgiveness and Trust Are Not the Same Thing

Betrayal happens. That’s a tragic reality. It occurs in marriages, families, churches, and in the workplace. Nevertheless, our experience teaches us that not all betrayal is felt equally. The betrayal of a spouse is much more profound than when the coworker in the next cubicle takes credit for your hard work. Why? Because pain is directly proportionate to intimacy.

Pain is directly proportionate to intimacy.

I’m a Christ-follower, so I believe forgiveness is non-negotiable. The Bible makes it abundantly clear–“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” We’ve all been hurt by someone, and we’ve all hurt someone. Of course, we tend to measure the failures of others on a different scale than our own. We want mercy for ourselves and judgment for others. Most of us understand this; we simply struggle with the application–me included.

However, the primary focus of this article isn’t about forgiveness. It’s about what we do after we forgive (understanding that forgiveness is an ongoing process). Let’s assume we’ve forgiven the offending party–now what?

Let’s assume we’ve forgiven the offending party–now what?

I’ve forgiven the person in question. Does this mean I now have to trust them? The short answer is no, but we all know it isn’t that simple. Forgiveness is often misunderstood and wrongly applied in the church. Does the woman whose husband has cheated on her need to forgive him? Yes (as much for her sake as his), but that doesn’t require that she remain with him. Does the individual whose boss has repeatedly taken credit for his or her work need to forgive the offender? Yes. But they don’t need to keep working for that person or company.

The missing ingredient is trust. Betrayals may occur in a moment (though the thought process leading up to them is never instantaneous), but restoring trust will require a process.

I spent hours on the phone last night with a man who felt betrayed by the leaders under which he serves and the organization to which he has given years of his life. The essence of what he said is, “This feels gross.” And it did. He felt stuck. He knew he needed to forgive, but like most of us at one time or another, he was struggling to do so; however, the bigger question was, “Is this going to continue to happen?” His assumption was yes.

When we separate the emotions from the situation (which can be hard to do and may require a wise, trusted friend or counselor to assist with the mental processing), he has a few questions to answer and then act upon.

–Do you trust your leader enough to continue serving under their leadership?

–If no, you have a couple more questions to answer. Do you enjoy or feel a strong enough calling to your work to remain and put up with the situation even if it never changes? If yes, you need to forgive, do what you can to rebuild trust (understanding that your opportunities to do so might be limited because of the imbalance of power), then put your head down and do the work you’re called to do.

–If you don’t trust the leader, you must ask, “Do I trust the organization enough to stay?” You’re trying to determine whether your leader is an anomaly or part of a systemic problem. If the former, consider moving to another department. If the latter, you need to consider a change of employment seriously.

If you, like me, are a Christ-follower, this feels complicated and, as my friend put it, “gross.” We ask ourselves and God, “Why should I be the one who has to leave?” And that’s a good question. In truth, we don’t have to leave, but I also don’t think we must stay. There are generally multiple opportunities out there through which we can fulfill our calling.

All of this comes down to trust. Forgiveness isn’t an option for us. God has forgiven those who come humbly to Him seeking a new life in Christ; however, trust is a different issue. You may forgive but then determine that the person in question is untrustworthy. When that’s the determination, you need to move on.

If you want to dive deeper into this subject, I highly recommend two books by Dr. Henry Cloud.

In my opinion, Trust, Dr. Cloud’s newest offering, is the best book on the subject.

If you’re trying to decide if it’s time to move on, I suggest picking up a copy of Necessary Endings.

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I Love Working from Home–but There Might Be Challenges to This Model

Okay. I’m probably not supposed to say this as an organizational leader with a corporate office in town for which we spend considerable resources annually, but I love working from home. Like many organizations, the Covid pandemic opened the door to remote work for us. Interstingly, several large companies have recently reversed or modified their previous work-from-home policies.

However, there seems to be a substantial chasm between management and workers regarding this issue. There may also be a significant difference in how generations view remote work.

What’s critical to management?

Management understandably wants to see the organization advance in its objectives. They also want to steward well the resources of the organization. Likewise, creating and maintaining a healthy culture is challenging if people are not physically in the same space regularly. These are not preferences for management–they’re mandates for which they are held accountable by senior leadership, the board, and stockholders. In short, these are non-negotiables.

What’s valued by the workforce?

When someone begins to work for a company, they agree to exchange their time, energy, and expertise for compensation. There are also some pretty vital assumptions being made. First, they’re assuming it’s going to be a safe place to work. Next, they expect integrity to be the foundation of the enterprise. Likewise, they hope to find satisfaction in their work–trusting the organization will think about the workforce as it makes decisions.

The Tension

As an organizational leader, I manage vision, goals, budgets, and resources–both material and human. As a Christ-follower, I have the joyful duty of treating people with the dignity they deserve as image-bearers of the Almighty. I am tasked with growing the organization while caring for those who “work in the fields.” It’s not one or the other–it’s both.

We have comfortable, modern, and bright offices. We also have great people. Some love being in the office. Others don’t. As an ambivert, I live between both worlds. I need people, and I need solitude. Here’s the rub. It isn’t the organization’s responsibility to provide me with what I want or to create a work environment that fits my personality. It’s great when there’s convergence in this area, but it should be seen as a blessing rather than an expectation.

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What’s the One Observable Quality of Those Who Lead Well?

I’ve had the privilege to serve under and beside some highly-skilled leaders (and a few lousy ones). I’ve even had the fantastic opportunity to lead some amazing leaders-in-the-making. Interestingly, each brought their unique talents and personality to the leadership table. No two of them led the same. Some had big, over-the-top personalities, and some were quite reserved. A few were dynamic communicators, and a few were boring when speaking to a group. Some were natural visionaries, while others were more built vision through a participatory process. Some were men, and some were women. They were of different races and ages. The only universal trait I found in top-tier leaders was they were always working to improve not only the organization but themselves. They were committed to personal growth.

From my observations, here’s what they thought about learning.

They are committed to life-long learning.

As I mentioned earlier, the quality leaders I observed were passionate about learning regardless of where they were in life. The ones that impressed me were the older ones who demonstrated their commitment to life-long learning daily. After all, these individuals were closer to the end of their careers than they were to the beginning, but this didn’t stop them from learning. There was an attractive humility in their understanding that there was a lot they didn’t know.

They are curious about a variety of topics.

These men and women enjoyed gathering knowledge from many disciplines. Yes, they read books related to leadership, but they made efforts to learn about the social and natural sciences, history, current events, economics, and projections related to future trends. In short, they loved to learn.

They aren’t utilitarian in their approach to learning.

This is tied to the previous observation, but it’s worth separating it as its own point. Some people are learners on a need-to-know basis, but these high-end leaders don’t just learn because they have a knowledge gap related to their work. These people learn because they value learning.

They love to share what they learned with others.

These people are generous with what they learn. They don’t just learn because they’re curious. They don’t just learn because they value information. They not only care about knowledge, they care about people, and they want to see them learn too.

They appreciated all forms of learning.

John Maxwell is well known for saying, “Leaders are readers.” While I value reading, I think the more accurate version of this statement is “Leaders are learners.” These people understand that there are many ways to learn and don’t limit themselves to a single approach. They learn from conversations, personal observations, podcasts, audiobooks, print books, online and in-person courses, YouTube, websites, etc.

They were good at applying what they learned to how they were leading.

Finally, they’re good at taking information from disparate sources and making applications in other contexts. They can see lessons in history, how future trends might impact their industry, how others are applying what they learn, etc. In short, they’re not only constantly learning, but they’re smart enough to know that knowledge has multiple applications.

Some might read this and point to the other skills required to lead well. And I would agree with them. Good leaders have a toolbox full of valuable skills. My point is this. If you’re a life-long learner who practices the approach outlined above, you can learn those skills with time and practice.

So, are you committed to growing yourself? I know I am!

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What’s the Difference Between Being a “Bad Leader” and Leading Badly?

It may feel like I’m parsing words, but I think there’s a difference between someone being a bad leader and leading badly. Can someone lead poorly without being a bad leader? The distinction I’m trying to make here (which might be a distinction without a difference) is that someone can be a lousy leader as it relates to the actual job of leading and still be a generally good person. I think the flip side of this issue is also accurate, and that is, in today’s world, a person may be morally rotten but still be seen as a good leader–or at least a successful one. And yes, this applies to those on both sides of the secular-sacred divide.

Before I discuss what I mean by bad leadership, I need to define my understanding of good leadership and what traits we generally look for in a good leader. Here’s my general understanding of what defines a good leader–character, competence, and consistency.

1.            Character—I live and work in the faith domain, so one of the common questions I hear relates to assessing whether they are deeply committed to Jesus. That’s important, but honestly, that ought to be a minimum for even getting in the door as it relates to serving in a faith organization. Character is more than being honest or having other traits associated with personal integrity. Here again, those should be minimum requirements. Having character also includes questions like “Do they empower those on their team? Are they more concerned about the welfare of those on their team than their personal agenda? Are they empathetic? Is he or she a servant-leader, or do they expect to be shown honor? Are they able to separate noble mandates from their personal ambition? The list could go on, but you get the point.

2.            Competence–Checking the character box is essential but not enough. We must also ask, “Are they competent?” We’ve all been in situations where we knew someone who deeply loved Jesus and displayed moral integrity but were utterly incompetent in their role. Most people who lack competence also lack self-awareness, so they may not be aware of their lack of competence. I would love it if the pilot on my next flight out of Denver deeply loves Jesus and his faith overflows into how he lives his life; however, besides being a faithful Christian, I want him to be competent. After all, I’m trusting my life into his hands. When we think of leadership in these terms, we understand that competence is crucial.

3.            Consistency—This is demonstrating the above over time—demonstrating a proven track record, which eventually positively impacts one’s reputation.

“If a person is high in character and competence and they have been doing it for a while, you can trust that they will probably do a good job where they’re currently serving. If they are high character but low competence, it will eventually harm your reputation in the community and hurt your organizational culture. If they are low character but highly competent, the organization will probably see temporary success, but “a day of reckoning” is usually around the corner. If a person is high in character and competence and they have been doing it for a while, you can trust that they will probably do a good job where they’re currently serving. If they are high character but low competence, it will eventually harm your reputation in the community and hurt your organizational culture. If they are low character but highly competent, the organization will probably see temporary success, but “a day of reckoning” is usually around the corner.

So, a lack of competence leads to bad leadership, and a lack of character is a trait of a bad leader. I don’t think we have to make this compromise. It’s possible to find highly competent people with high moral character. When those people wind up in the right roles, they are usually consistent, which leads to long-term success for the organization.

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What I learned from Jeff Bezos and how he ran Amazon

Jeff Bezos recently announced that he would be stepping down later this year as the CEO of Amazon, the online retailer he started in his Seattle garage nearly 30 years ago. While Bezos doesn’t share my biblical values, I think there’s a lot I can learn from how he ran Amazon. Here are a few of my takeaways from how he managed his life and business. Most of these insights are positive. The last one is a mixed bag.

  1. Dream big. Act daring. Embrace risk—Amazon’s story is different than that of Apple, though both companies started in a garage. When the two Steves began making computers in the Jobs family garage, they had nothing to lose. They were both young and ambitious, but they weren’t walking away from anything to pursue their dream. That wasn’t the case for Bezos. In order for Amazon’s founder to pursue his dream, he had to leave his job as a senior vice president at D.E. Shaw, an NYC-based hedge fund specializing in mathematical modeling. Bezos understood that there is no risk-free route to dream fulfillment. What risk do you need to accept to fulfill your dream? What do you need to do today to start down that road?  
  2. “Regret minimization framework”—When Bezos was trying to decide whether to leave his job at Shaw, he created the Regret Minimization Framework to help him work through the issues. He had the full support of his wife. That made the decision both easier and more challenging. He felt the weight of the decision, but he also understood that most of his fears were short-term. He wanted to think further out. So, he decided to project himself forward to the age of 80 and then ask himself this question. “If I look back on my life, will I regret not doing this?” Ultimately, he decided that the window to get in on the information revolution was a narrow one, and he needed to act now. So, he did. He quit his job at Shaw, walked away mid-year (which meant forfeiting his annual bonus), moved to Seattle to cut expenses, and poured himself into his dream. The rest is history. How do you view the issue of regrets? Is there anything you wish you would have done that you didn’t? When you’re 80, will you feel good about the choices you’re making today?
  3. Get plenty of sleep—Bezos is religious about getting eight hours of sleep a night. I don’t think I have any Fortune 500 CEOs reading my blog, but I know plenty of people who lead small to medium-sized organizations. Many of these friends believe they are too busy to get more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night. According to Bezos, if that’s the case, you’re not managing yourself or your company well. The importance of sleep cannot be overstated. Dr. Harneet Walia of the Cleveland Clinic argues that adults between 18-65 need 7-9 hours of sleep a night. The costs are high when we habitually deprive ourselves of sleep. Some of the short-term issues associate with sleep deprivation are a lack of alertness, excessive daytime sleepiness, impaired memory, relationship stress, poor quality of life, and the increased likelihood of being involved in an automobile accident. All of these will negatively affect your ability to care for people and/or lead the organization you lead. Getting enough sleep never happens by accident. You have to be intentional. Bezos is–you should be too. How are you doing in this crucial area of life? If you aren’t getting enough sleep, what do you need to change?
  4. Make a small number of high quality-decisions each day—Bezos gets up early but never takes meetings before 10 A.M. He argues that many leaders get involved in decisions that don’t need their input. This approach takes up mental and emotional energy while also disempowering those under you in the organization. Bezos says he’s happy if he makes three high-quality decisions a day. These decisions usually flow out of what he calls “High IQ” meetings (more on that below). Are you limiting yourself to making decisions that only you can make? What do you need to give away?
  5. Obsess over customers—If you lead in an organization, you have “customers.” You may not think of them that way, but there’s a group of people you are tasked to serve. Bezos rightly understood that without customers, Amazon didn’t have a reason for being. We often forget this. We think, “What’s best for us?” or “What’s best for the organization?” According to Bezos, these are the wrong questions. He argues that what’s best for the customer is what’s best for the company. Who are your “customers?” Do your decisions put them first? If not, what needs to change to move your focus to where it needs to be? Have you made it public who you see as your primary stakeholder? There is accountability in making this public.
  6. Innovate. Then innovate some more—Nothing remains static. In a fast-moving environment, you’re advancing or declining. Advancement requires innovation, and in the words of Marshall Goldsmith, “What got you here won’t get you there.” Amazon was rated the best-managed company in America in 2019 by the Drucker Institute. It was innovation that pushed the company past Apple—their historical rival in the tech space. Interestingly, while Amazon fills more patent applications than other tech companies, it also abandons more patent applications than anyone else. This fact demonstrates its willingness to sacrifice “sacred cows.” Innovation not only includes adopting what moves us forward, but it also includes abandoning what might be holding us back. According to Missio Nexus, “Legacy ministry models, financial pressures, the pace of change, and even success conspire against innovation.” How innovative is your team? Are there people you need to bring onto the team to increase your “innovation quotient?” Conversely, what do you need to abandon today?
  7. Embrace failure (not to be confused with executing poorly)—In the book, Invent and Wander: The Collected Writings of Jeff Bezos, we find an excellent example of what he means (and doesn’t mean) by embracing failure. He states, “If we build a new fulfillment center and it’s a disaster, that’s just bad execution. But when we are developing a new product or service or experimenting in some way, and it doesn’t work, that’s OK. That’s great failure.” I think sometimes we’re too quick to overlook poor execution while unwittingly embracing the fear of failure. Innovative organizations are willing to fail. Well-run organizations are committed to excellence, so when they execute poorly, they fix the problem, learn from their mistake, and do their best to avoid the same mistake in the future. Have you created a culture that tolerates poor execution? What do you do to ensure that you learn from your mistakes? Are you willing to fail in the right areas? What are you doing to create a “failure-friendly environment?”
  8. Most meetings are pointless. Make them matter—Most of us hate meetings, but they are part of leadership. If you aren’t willing to embrace this reality—don’t lead. However, not all meetings are created equal. I don’t think most leaders hate meetings. They hate unproductive meetings. So, what can we do to increase the productivity of our time together? Bezos requires presenters in meetings to write a memo, no longer than six pages, that is circulated and silently read at the start of a meeting by everyone present. This approach prevents pointless discussion. It also helps presenters refine their ideas before presenting. There is no “winging it” in a Bezos-led meeting. Some version of this approach might make our meetings more productive. What can you do to make your meetings more productive? If you don’t know, start by reading Patrick Lencioni’s book, Death by Meeting.
  9. Ignore the stock market (focus on long-term gains)—Okay, this one isn’t directly relevant to most of my readers as we operate primarily in the faith or non-profit community. However, that doesn’t mean there is no takeaway. The underlying idea behind this point is to focus on long-term advances rather than short-term wins (or losses). To move the organization forward, we will inevitably have to make decisions that interrupt the status quo. Faith communities seem to perform worse in this area than their business counterparts. We operate with a double bottom line. We have to measure financial progress, but we understand that this isn’t our only matrix for evaluating success. Only time gives perspective. It will reveal if your decision to embrace risk and act in a particular way is correct, but it will also disclose the consequences of your unwillingness to act. What do you need to do now to build for the future?
  10. Create a culture of productivity above all else—Finally, and this is a less than positive thought, Bezos created a culture in which employees are often worked to the breaking point. Productive is the “god” at Amazon, where everything is measured. I don’t think this is an approach we should adopt, but I also don’t think it’s something we should ignore. Much of what we do in the church can’t be measured. Jesus had great success with his “top three,” good success with “the 12” (11 out of 12 finished well), but he seemingly failed with the crowd (“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” John 6:66). Interestingly, he seemed to be “okay” with this. Jesus loved every one, but he also understood that not everyone would come with him. We don’t see Jesus “blasting” those who left. He knew his calling, and he stuck with it, operating within his sphere of control. Productivity is not an issue we always measure in the faith community. It’s a tension we’re going to have to live with. Do you measure things? If not, you’re probably not being a good steward of those things God has entrusted to you. If you measure things, are you measure the right things? We want to be efficient. We have to be effective. After all, too much is at stake for us to be otherwise.

I hope this article has helped you think through your leadership. If so, I recommend that you take one or two of the areas mentioned above in which you need to improve and develop an action plan for change. So, what are you going to do today to become a better leader?

Several of the big points highlighted in this post came from a Wall Street Journal article entitled, “How Jeff Bazos has run Amazon, from meetings to managing.”

I gathered additional background information from the Wikipedia sites related to Amazon and its founder.

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Something Needs To Change And It’s You

“You can’t get there from here.” How many times have you heard this common expression? I have discovered that many people want to see course-altering change take place in their organizations, but they don’t seem willing to experience the personal pain necessary to make it happen. After all, you have to grow on the inside before you can grow on the outside. Likewise, you have to change inwardly before you can lead effectively outwardly.

Mark Sayers recently quoted his mentor, Terry Walling, on the Carey Neiuwhof Leadership Podcast, saying, “Personal renewal proceeds corporate change.”  I believe this to be true. Most church leaders I know are doing a fine job of responding to the current crisis. Services have moved online, ministry continues in creative ways, and efforts are being made daily to help attendees become part of the community. All of this is good.

BUT…those leaders, and the churches, businesses, and organizations they lead that will come out on the other side of this crisis more dynamic than they entered it, will be those who allowed it to break them–driving them to their knees. 

We’re all praying about how we should respond. Here again, that’s a good thing. BUT…more importantly, we should be asking God to use this to make us who he wants us to be. 

As leaders, we’re often asked to speak to a situation. That’s a good thing, but I want to be the man who spends more time listening to God and less time speaking to people. Only then will I have something to say that is truly worth hearing.

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WHY CHARACTER ISN’T ENOUGH

Why Character Isn’t Enough

My friend, Rob and I often have conversations about leadership.  Rob is one of the most focused leaders I know.  He’s also a man of sterling character.  After reading a leadership blog post recently about the importance of clarity in leading, we had a chat that led to this short article.  We would love to hear your thoughts.

When questioned about leadership, people will almost always say that the most important attribute in a leader is character.  However, in a real-world setting, people are more prone to follow clarity than character. How do we understand, and seek to learn, from this apparent disparity between what people say that they value and what they actually do?

In light of this, it seems that we should view character as a sort of base line essential to leadership.  People expect those they follow to live with integrity as it relates to their work.  As Christ-followers, we tend to expect this integrity to carry over into all areas of their lives.  A lack of character may, at some point, disqualify a leader. Even if the leader retains a position he, or she, will lose the respect of their subordinates and the right to truly lead.  However, while good character is an essential quality for someone aspiring to long-term leadership, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee success as a leader.  

It seems what people actually follow is clarity. Pastor Andy Stanley and author/business leader Donald Miller say that people want to know where we’re going, what we’re doing to get there and why (December 2018and January 2019). If these things are not clear, the work will suffer, a lot of sideways energy will be expended, people will leave the work, and those who stay may not be effective. The importance of clarity can’t be overstated.  

We often see entities or organizations thrive in spite of the fact that they have a questionable underlying missiology.  We also observe organizations built on solid principles flounder when the mission has become fuzzy or too broad.  While there may be other important differences between these examples, what often sets them apart is the presence or lack of clarity as it relates to vision and mission.

Author Erika Andersen, in her book, Lead So That People Will Follow, states there are five characteristics of clarity that help create trust with followers.  She said, “Good leaders…

1.  …commit honestly.”—Does the leader really believe in what he is asking others to do?

2.  …make a clear case without being dogmatic.”—Compelling leaders are committed to the vision, but they are humble enough to know that their way isn’t the only way.  There is more than one way to accomplish the same goal.  This is simply our way.

3.  …invite real dialogue about their passion.”—Not everyone is going to accept what you say immediately.  They may need clarification.  They may have different opinions.  Some may actually be gauging how you respond when people disagree with you. Good leaders are secure enough to discuss the hard questions—demonstrating that they have thought through issues as much as possible.

4.  …act in support of their passion.”—Do your actions match your words?  We may talk about the inconvenient lost, but are we willing to inconvenience ourselves in order to see them found?  Potential followers want to know that their leaders live the vision—not just believe in the vision.

5. …remain committed in spite of adversity and setbacks.”  One measure of a leader is what it takes to make them give up.  If you are going to do anything great for God, you are going to face some intense adversity.  And, in trying to accomplish the impossible, you’re going to fail.  After all, if it was easy, someone else would have already done it.  So, how do you respond when criticism and failure occur?  Do you quit?  Or, do you become more determined to do whatever it takes to accomplish the goals.

One final thought concerning the above—each of the five attributes described above have actions attached to them.  Good leaders put the ideals into action in such a way as to better refine the visioneering process.  Each of the above may generate questions from potential followers.  Don’t be threated or frustrated if they ask questions that you think ought to be clear.  There is always the possibility that you weren’t as clear as you thought you were. It also helps to understand that this is clear to you because you have had months (maybe years) to think it though. It is probably new to those following you.  So…over-communicate.  It’s good for them, it’s good for you, and it will help followers become better advocates as they move from consumers to salespeople.

So, here are helpful questions if you want to lead successfully over the long haul.  How is our character? Are we trustworthy, truthful, generous and kind? Do we do what we say we will do? Are we in private what we portray ourselves to be in public? Are we faithful in stewarding finances, time, relationships and responsibilities?

Now, how about clarity? Do our followers know where we are going and why?  If not, it may be because we haven’t done the hard work of narrowing our focus—being humble enough to acknowledge that we can’t do everything.  Do they know our expectations?  What are we expecting from God?  What part do our followers expect to play in the fulfillment of the vision?  Are their expectations and ours in alignment?  In the answer to any of these last questions is no, you need to spend some time honing the vision.  And, it might be a good idea to ask for help occasionally, making sure that what you’re saying and what you mean are the same thing.  

The Apostle Paul put it this way.  “…if the bugler doesn’t sound a clear call, how will the soldiers know they are being called to battle?”1 Corinthians14:8NLT

Let’s make sure we live right as leaders, AND let’s make sure we’re being clear about where we’re headed.  When both of these are in place, it will be easier for us to move ourselves and the organizations we lead forward.

Attribution:  This article was a collaboration between Dr. Rob Shipley and me.   If there’s anything really good in here, it probably came from him!

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“LITTLE FOXES” OR WHAT TO DO WHEN LITTLE FRUSTRATIONS PILE UP

What in the world could a conversation between two ancient lovers have to do with frustrations in my daily life? I believe quite a lot.

In chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon, King Solomon’s bride ask him to,

“Catch the foxes for us,
the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
for our vineyards are in blossom.”

While she was most probably imploring Solomon to watch out for and remove the obstacles to their developing relationship, she highlights a truth that carries over to much of what we do in missions–that is, it isn’t the big “in your face” attacks that derail us, it’s the little daily inconveniences that get us off track.

A couple has cross words just as they are walking out of the door for work. A young professional woman endures another annoying slight from her boss. Your child misses the bus (again). Car trouble (again). An airline strike causes you to miss an important meeting. A stomach bug prevents a young man you met at the gym from connecting over coffee. A husband or wife leaves town to meet with a ministry leader only to receive a call within minutes that his or her son has fallen and broken his arm. And, the list goes on.

None of these seem like “make or break” types of challenges. And, the truth is, they aren’t. However, they can be just enough to cause us to lose focus and miss out on God’s best–especially when they pile up.

When we encounter “in your face” spiritual opposition, we know what to do. It’s clear this is an attack, and we know we need to do spiritual warfare. We pray, we fast, and we ask others to join us as we ask God for a breakthrough. These are the proverbial lions and bears. They’re big, ugly, and hungry, and we know they want to kill us. But, who’s afraid of a fox?

The Bible makes several references to foxes. More than a danger, they’re sneaky and a nuisance. However, it’s these daily aggravations, some more serious than others, that can steal our joy. No, we don’t look for the devil behind every bush. However, it has been my experience (both in my life and in those who I have observed) that the enemy often sneaks in rather than roaring at the door.

So, what do we need to do to prevent the foxes of inconvenience, frustrations, and worries, from stealing our joy? Here are a few suggestions.

  1. Remember that everything is spiritual. This reality doesn’t mean that every inconvenience is a spiritual attack, but it does mean that our reaction to it determines whether or not we will walk forward in victory.
  2. Avoid quick “feel good” responses. Posting something sarcastic on social media or texting a friend, may give you an endorphin rush, but they won’t help in the long run, and they may hurt if your filter wasn’t working well at the moment.
  3. Let worship be your go-to response. Weariness and worry bow the knee to worship.
  4. Stop, drop, and pray. You remember the admonition to “stop, drop, and roll,” as it relates to putting out a fire on your body. Well, put out these fires by taking everything to the Father in prayer.
  5. Make sure you’re properly dressed. The “helmet of salvation” will guard your mind in times like these and the “shield of faith” can prevent those dangerous “fiery darts” from finding their mark in your heart.

By the way, you don’t have to be involved in pioneer missions to benefit from this approach. Wink!

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Thoughts on the Death of John Allen Chau

I recently received the following note from a young man who genuinely loves the Lord and is passionate about the unreached. The topic is so important that I have decided to share my thoughts in a broader context.

He wrote, “Hey, Mark! I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on the young man who was recently martyred while reaching out to the Sentinese people of India (if not I’ve included a link below). I’ve seen a ton of dispute on social media between friends on God’s call, the wisdom of approaching resistant people groups, the legality of missions, etc., and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the subject?”

Here’s my reply:

I am familiar with the story. I don’t think it’s as simple as whether his actions were wise or unwise, good or bad, right or wrong. Life and ministry are complex, and there are always many factors involved in our decisions.

First, in the words of the Apostle Paul, “Who am I to judge another man’s servant?” (Rom. 14:4). We will all stand before God one day. It that moment, all of our motives will be revealed, our wise decisions offered up as a sweet-smelling sacrifice, and our unwise choices burned up in the fire of God’s knowledge and purity, and covered by his amazing grace. It is clear that this young man felt led to do what he did. In no way am I questioning his commitment. He was a courageous man who deeply loved Jesus and his mission. So, in one sense, I very much applaud his desire to obey the Great Commission no matter the cost. However, I don’t think it’s that simple. My comments here are meant to be viewed as a tool for those moving forward more than an evaluation of what he did or his mission organization endorsed.

“The bad news is that persecution and violent opposition still accompany the preaching of the good news.”

The Book of Acts is not a manual for pioneer missions, but it certainly provides us with some helpful insights. There are two realities that we must keep in balance. First, while suffering and martyrdom for the sake of the gospel were common during the First Century, it wasn’t as pervasive as it might appear in a cursory reading of Acts. We must remember that the events covered in the book span at least 30 years. These happenings were recorded to help us understand how the gospel spread from Jerusalem to Rome, and how a group of diverse, self-oriented men of no standing, once filled with the Spirit, could turn the world upside down. However, here is the hard reality that we must also embrace. Of all of the proclamation events recorded in the Book of Acts, all but three were accompanied by violent opposition. The apostolic preaching of the cross is inseparable from suffering. So, while the church did not live under constant threat of extermination due to persecution, those called and equipped to plant the church where it did not exist fully understood that theirs was a dangerous task—one which they willingly embraced. Nothing has changed. The bad news is that persecution and violent opposition still accompany the preaching of the good news. And, we must be willing to own this reality if we are going to see the church planted among the unreached.

It seems pretty clear that John Allen Chau was not only familiar with our apostolic history but also wanted to join himself to their early efforts to make disciples of all peoples. Like the Apostle Paul, this young man was full of zeal to see the gospel preached where it had never been. The best approach is one that joins wisdom and zeal together. I love the way Paul retained his zeal while still being willing to listen to others. It’s a good approach for all of us. It isn’t one or the other. Zeal and wisdom do not have to be paradoxical. When yoked together, they strengthen one’s approach and increase the chances of success. We see what could have been an unwise expression of Paul’s zeal in Acts 19. Paul desperately wanted to enter the theater in order to speak to the crowd. However, his traveling companions and the local believers asked him to refrain. He submitted to their request, the riot ceased, and the group was actually exonerated. Only God knows what would have happened had Paul ignored the counsel of his friends, but it isn’t hard to believe that Paul would have been harmed, and even more importantly, the work of the Lord negatively impacted.

Second, we don’t fear death, but neither do we pursue it. We are willing to embrace suffering when it is unavoidable, but we need to understand that there is nothing noble about suffering in and of itself. Paul took a beating when his Roman citizenship was of no value, but when it protected him, he was quick to use it to avoid suffering unnecessarily.

Third, the “call of God” is complex. Yes, there is that necessary part of “God said….” However, there is more to it than that.

Are you familiar with the Fisher-Price stackable rings that toddlers use to improve their manual dexterity? The rings have to go on in a particular order, largest to smallest, or they won’t work. So, with that in mind, I like to think of God’s calling like this.

The bottom ring is God’s word to me. It is foundational and highly personal, but it requires confirmation.

The next ring is the “It seems good to ‘us’ and to the Holy Spirit” ring. We find this statement several times in the Book of Acts. Acts 16 is an example of this. Paul felt led to go to Asia, but he couldn’t get in. At this point, he sees a dream. Paul apparently submitted his dream to the group, because they responded with, “Yes, this seems like something the Lord wants us to do.” It seems that if they had said no, Paul would have listened. This example also validates a team approach as it relates to frontier missions.

The next ring includes endorsement from the greater body of Christ. Today we would call this the mission agency. In Paul’s day, it was the apostles in Jerusalem.

The next ring is the practical ability to get there. In our case, this would be getting our budget raised. I think this step should also include initial training in the missionary task. Most long-term missionaries are well trained before heading to the field. Likewise, they continue to receive training while on the field—many going on to complete graduate programs in cross-cultural communications, anthropology, and subjects that will assist their efforts to serve the people to whom they are called.

Lastly, there is the ability to get into the country. A “no” isn’t final. It may merely mean not now.

If all of these “rings” line up, then I would say it is the Lord’s will to move forward now. If not, then I would encourage a humble approach that continues to seek God’s will while doing what I can do at the moment–casting vision, garnering prayer support, continued studies in linguistics and missiology, etc.

These are complicated issues, and only God has all the pieces. We will trust the Lord and pray that this man’s death will somehow bring glory to Jesus and a greater awareness of the unreached that will turn into increased prayer and future missionaries.

Now concerning the “legality” of missions–this is a tougher one. As kingdom people, we should be the best possible citizens. Only when the government is asking us to do something that is contrary to Scripture should we defy the law. The apostles said, “We must obey God rather than man.” However, Paul even saw value in pagan governments. So, we strive to obey God and man. Only when it is clear that we can’t do both do we draw that line in the sand.

John Allen Chau was part of a missions group. I don’t know anything about it, but he may very well have submitted his calling to them, and they said go. I have no reason to critique or criticize this group or their actions. The early church deacon, Stephen, was probably a young man full of zeal. Was his death necessary? That isn’t a question for us. What we do know is that God was glorified, and he used it to compel the church to leave Jerusalem–something that they had been unwilling to do before this. It is not my place to judge. We can do everything “right,” and God may still choose to add one more person to that group of martyrs in Revelation 6 whose souls dwell under the altar of God. As this young man wrote in his journal, Soli Deo Gloria!

As a side note, I am concerned about the social media dialogue taking place around this topic. It is likely that this young man’s family has or will eventually see some of this, and some of it could be very hurtful to them. It is clear from the short statement released by the missions organization with which he was associated that his family was supportive of their son and proud of the man he was—for good reason.

One final thought. From the world’s perspective, missionaries are often thought of as being culturally insensitive at best. This idea is present in much of what has appeared in the media concerning this event. There is even a significant voice in the church that while not necessarily criticizing the missionary task or those who carry it out, ponders the wisdom of taking the gospel to dangerous places. Many lament the “wasted potential” of this young man. As I have read these comments, I think back on the deaths of Jim Elliot, Pete Fleming, Ed McCully, Nate Saint, and Roger Youderian, five young husbands and fathers who gave up their lives to evangelize the Auca (Huaorani) people of Ecuador in the 1950s. Elliot’s journal reflects the same zeal as Chau’s, though written in the language of another generation. Life Magazine positively reported the story of these five martyrs in a January 1956 edition of their magazine. Chau has been criticized and mocked. Yes, there were differences in the approaches surrounding these two events. However, the most significant difference is the cultural shift that has occurred in America. No. The 1950s weren’t the good old days. It was a time when racism was systemic and rampant in parts of America. We need to continue in our efforts to right the wrongs of our society, so I’m not suggesting that we turn back the clock. Nevertheless, what I am suggesting here is that the real provocation is the idea of necessary conversion. It is understandable that non-Christians would oppose the long-held view of Christians that salvation comes through Jesus—and him alone. Christianity is both inclusive (“whosoever will”) and exclusive (“no other name under heaven by which we must be saved”). When we get this balance right, we are loving of those who disagree with us while allowing that love to motivate us to preach Jesus to them—the only lasting hope for humankind. If we believe this, we must be willing to pay any price—even the scorn of those whose opinions we value.

We must all remember that death is not final for those who are in Christ. “But whatever was gain to me, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.”

Maranatha!

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Pursuing One’s Wife

A sharp young man we know is getting married soon. He’s the kind of guy who takes the right things seriously. In light of that, he asked me the following question. “As I’m getting closer to marriage, I want to ask how you pursue Amy with your busy travel schedule. Also, how has this evolved from the beginning until now?” Here is my reply. Maybe it will help some other young (or not so young) man out there. Spoiler alert: I make it clear that I haven’t always done this well, but I’m trying to get better at it.

“After thinking about and praying over your questions for a few days, here are a few thoughts. There’s nothing profound here, but it’s at least gives you some insight into my flawed efforts to pursue the one I love.

I have always wanted to pursue Amy, though I have done it better at times than others. I wish had made her feel special at the beginning of our marriage the way I try to do today. Regret is a wasted emotion, but if my failures help young men like you—then Jesus can be glorified through my stupidity!

So here are a few thoughts. I did some of these well. Others–not so much!

1. Intentional time spent together with no agenda—time spent walking, talking, asking questions, listening–in short, making her feel valued and valuable.
2. Pray over and practice the lists of 1 Corinthians 13 and the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in your marriage.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Here’s an example of what I mean.

‘Lord, help me to be patient with and kind to Amy. I can be impatient, and when I get that way, I drift away from kindness. May I be quick to seek forgiveness from you and her when that happens. Keep me away from a competitive spirit with her. Help me to be her biggest fan, advocate and fiercest defender. Help me to serve her in ways where my service adds value to her. Show me how to do this. Help me to treat her in private the way I want people whose respect I desire to see me treat her in public. Help me to speak the truth to build her up, and if I ever need to bring correction, help me do so in a way that demonstrates my own need for growth and forgiveness. And, may I be more concerned about hearing the truth than speaking it.

She’s broken Lord, but no more than me. We came into marriage as two broken people, and that hasn’t changed. We simply know each other’s areas of weakness more now than we did in the beginning. Help me to treat her the way I want to be treated. The world will do enough to beat her down. Help me to be there to protect her and lift her up. Help me to love her and live in a way that inspires respect in her. May love and laughter always be present in both our home and our relationship, and may laughter be a constant indicator of your love at work in our lives.

Make our home a place of peace from the storms of life, and when they come, may we always find ourselves striving to ‘save’ the other. Help me to be kind, and protect me from a judgmental spirit that sees her weaknesses but is oblivious to mine. I want to be good to her. Help me be a student of Amy in such a way as to know how she interprets “goodness” and “kindness.”

Help me to always be faithful to her in my mind, heart, and body. Protect me from the sexual evils of this twisted world. Give me self-control as I resist the enemy and submit myself to you. Finally, Lord, help me to listen more than I talk. Help me to draw out the deep thoughts I knew were there when I was first attracted to Amy. Be glorified in our marriage. Amen.’

3. Have fun together. This is easier before having kids, but make it a priority.
4. Keep the dialogue open at all times. View important conversations as an ongoing dialogue instead of precedent. Circumstances change, and so do people, so let your opinions flex as needed.
5. When you disagree, prevent looking for win-loss, I’m right, your wrong outcomes.
6. Don’t discuss areas of needed growth when you’re feeling the stress of an issue. Those conversations tend to turn into unproductive arguments.
7. Dream together. Ask her often what she envisions for your future together. And, be okay if it doesn’t look exactly like what you think it should look like. The Lord has a way of reconciling these things beautifully.
8. Pray with and for each other regularly. Pray for your wife in your private times and out loud when you’re together. Doing this requires that you ask her how she wants you to pray for her and you giving her the same information so she can pray for me.
9. Be proactive in your discussions about sticking subjects like money, sex, parents, parenting differences, etc. These issues can become sinkholes in your marriage if you don’t healthily deal with them.
10. Finally, look for ways to continually serve your spouse. Honestly, Amy is the hardest working person I know though most of it is behind the scenes. So, I try to do things for her without being asked. Help her keep the house clean, clean up after meals, etc. I’m not talking about a reversal of roles. Each couple needs to figure out that for themselves, and there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach. The keys are service and respect.”

I hope this helps some(one).